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laurens
Apr 23, 2021
In Sharing
I found the trailer for Eating Scarlet that I edited for Steven at the time. It was a pretty crazy subject to pick to make a film about that Steven executed sweetly and lovingly. We edited Eating Scarlet in a Vicarage in Stockwell, editing and preaching culture left and right in between edit decisions intermitted by coffees, tobacco and cuban leftovers. I remember a sense of disappointment when it was done. Not because of what we had done but about it being done, finished, I didn’t want it to be over, didn’t want to say goodbye. Seeing Eating Scarlet now, it seems to be about the almost childlike innocence of obsession, the virgin eye focused on the color spectrum of attraction, a place a lot of us like to dwell and what a great place to do this: in film. A traditional masculine genre, the serial killer thriller that Steven was approaching with a romantic feminine focus in a punk noir setting, creating his own genre of camp intelligence. Scarlet lives on and lets treasure her. Love Laurens
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laurens
Mar 09, 2021
In Sharing
Message to Steven Last November we had a bizarre exchange on Facebook that I never fully replied to to my great regret. As you were not shy of a bit of the macabre here’s my answer to your question now on how I’m doing after your physical existence ended. I’m feeling very shaky and spooked out by recent events and I find it hard to mourn your dead, hard to let go, I find it easier to hold on to your smile, humor, refined and wicked taste and to your love and the love of the people around you felt and feel for you, to your spirit. I find it easier to hold on to the image of the evershining Steven Santa Cruz and keep following that spectrum of light and inspiration. What could have possibly have had the power to take you off the river of life I wonder as I’m listening to music full of lightning voices that all seem to come from your throat. How is it possible that the keeper of life’s river himself has left us? If anything killed you it must have been your own light burning through the limitations on this earthly life. Like a sun never waxing or waning, getaway in the night. As the sun is penetrating it’s light and energy now through my window onto my face the image of you and your hair made of sun rays will forever beam in my brain as an eternal bright light. You passing in a dream of your own making is only acceptable if we can see that film please and can we please have a dialogue about all of this at some point? About life and death and what it all means according to you? Does it mean that what Stanley Kubrick said and others before him, that we have to carve out our own meaning to it all and shine our daily light on the darkness closing in on us slowly but surely? I will keep asking you these questions, and when people ask me these questions I will see your sunrayed head, I will hear your mad screams of joy, hear your song, and see you dance. I know that here in my heart that crazy happy joyful wicked smile will appear and appear again, that scream will come through the cracks of tunes and speakers and I’ll be overjoyed to see that swinging jumping dancing athletic bliss appearing in the rear view mirror. Rock on bro and keep running into me pretty please and don’t forget about that dialogue. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6jh53Pv6Ag7xY2MYZUp8y5?si=-RGZtIoGTGWqNPSRv7CpsA
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laurens
Feb 09, 2021
In Sharing
Sunday evening after the commemoration I spoke to my 6 year old daughter about Steven. She didn't know him so I started with saying that he was somewhat like Pippi Longstocking, thinking about his rebellious nature, inability to 'grow up' and his practical joke kinda humour. My daughter wanted instant proof of this bold statement and asked me if he slept with his shoes on or walked on the ceiling. I answered that he most likely has slept with his shoes on on occasions and he most definitely had danced on my ceiling. I wish there was a space and time now to gather, cry, laugh and have a drink to Steve but there isn't yet so sharing stories, anecdotes, memories and feelings here is wonderful, also for that reason until we can dance on the ceiling for and with Steven's shining, loving and creative spirit and thank him for all that he's given us and will keep given.
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