Message to Steven
Last November we had a bizarre exchange on Facebook that I never fully replied to to my great regret. As you were not shy of a bit of the macabre here’s my answer to your question now on how I’m doing after your physical existence ended. I’m feeling very shaky and spooked out by recent events and I find it hard to mourn your dead, hard to let go, I find it easier to hold on to your smile, humor, refined and wicked taste and to your love and the love of the people around you felt and feel for you, to your spirit. I find it easier to hold on to the image of the evershining Steven Santa Cruz and keep following that spectrum of light and inspiration.
What could have possibly have had the power to take you off the river of life I wonder as I’m listening to music full of lightning voices that all seem to come from your throat. How is it possible that the keeper of life’s river himself has left us? If anything killed you it must have been your own light burning through the limitations on this earthly life. Like a sun never waxing or waning, getaway in the night.
As the sun is penetrating it’s light and energy now through my window onto my face the image of you and your hair made of sun rays will forever beam in my brain as an eternal bright light.
You passing in a dream of your own making is only acceptable if we can see that film please and can we please have a dialogue about all of this at some point? About life and death and what it all means according to you? Does it mean that what Stanley Kubrick said and others before him, that we have to carve out our own meaning to it all and shine our daily light on the darkness closing in on us slowly but surely? I will keep asking you these questions, and when people ask me these questions I will see your sunrayed head, I will hear your mad screams of joy, hear your song, and see you dance.
I know that here in my heart that crazy happy joyful wicked smile will appear and appear again, that scream will come through the cracks of tunes and speakers and I’ll be overjoyed to see that swinging jumping dancing athletic bliss appearing in the rear view mirror.
Rock on bro and keep running into me pretty please and don’t forget about that dialogue.
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6jh53Pv6Ag7xY2MYZUp8y5?si=-RGZtIoGTGWqNPSRv7CpsA
Thank you David, it was just a chat on Facebook but when I looked at it in hindsight and realised I never replied it made me think a lot. So many of us must have so many unfinished conversations with Steven, luckily he left behind his work and personal legacy that this filling in the gabs doesn't have to be torture but can be good and pleasant done the line. I'm looking forward to commemorations, gatherings, chats and talks about and with Steven for that matter and always here to chat and help given Steven's work and legacy a place in our world.
I remember having regrets about an unfinished argument with a mate who died of lung cancer some years back. It's tough, but Steven wouldn't have held it against you!